#0058 This Is My F* It Era**

Hey Loved One,

I haven’t been okay. A friend recently told me he could hear the pain in my writing over the past few editions, and at times, it made me consider not writing at all.

Now, as I emerge from yet another project and begin the process of healing, I’ve found it hard to figure out where I’m heading next. I’m a prideful person, and you and I have spoken before about how I’m the stereotypical Black woman who doesn’t ask for help but carries everything, including things that don’t even belong to her.

But this last round of self-flagellation really broke my spirit. I’ve been taking time to heal because, honestly, I’m not quite sure who I am anymore, especially in my business. It’s a frightening prospect for someone who always has a plan. Despite what the world might tell you, when you run your own business, it becomes inextricably linked to who you are.

To be fair, it’s not that I don’t know who I am. I know the moments that have fed my soul over the past few years. I'm just not clear on where to begin this next phase. That’s partly because in recent years I built my business on shaky ground: the wants and needs of others. It’s been a baptism of fire that’s left me metaphorically bloody and bruised. I’ve also been trying to figure out where I want to be while feeling pulled in so many different directions with multiple ideas.

Now, as the eldest finishes his GCSEs, the youngest completes his settling-in days at his new school, and the summer holidays stretch out in front of us full of anticipation, I’ve decided to create my own CPD programme. Earlier this year, I completed a mini MBA and achieved a First Class result from SOAS. Now, I’m putting my Spotify account and tablet to good use, diving into seminal texts. I’ve also decided to do a F*** It sprint. I’m going hard for the next 8 to 12 weeks, just doing what I want without hesitation, simply to reclaim my vision again.

As I write this, I haven’t mapped out the full programme yet, but one book I know will be on the list is Pitch by Danny Fontaine. I’ve known Danny for years and lost it (in the best way) when I found out he was writing a book on pitching. Thanks to friend privileges, I managed to get an advance copy. From the first few chapters, I knew I was holding a book people would talk about for years, in the same way they reference Malcolm Gladwell or Seth Godin. The key now is application. I’ll be studying the book closely to put its principles to use. I’m also planning to get back into my Masterclass membership. Rich Paul, LeBron James’ agent, has just completed a classic on negotiating. I’ve got a few referral links, so if you’d like a few days’ free access to the platform, email me at [email protected].

The other area I’m focusing on is making myself feel good. I talk about it often, but I rarely do it. Evidence? Sister-wife has started flooding my Instagram DMs with reels about living your best life. So I’m trying. Trying - sometimes unsuccessfully - not to overcomplicate it. Sometimes that means saying no to things I don’t have capacity for. Sometimes it means giving myself permission to properly rest. And sometimes, uniquely, it means allowing myself copious amounts of time to flirt with a guy I met at uni 20 years ago (highly recommend that, by the way 😏). As mum shouted at me earlier “not everything is about stress!”

So yes, I’m channelling my inner Year of Yes (Shonda Rhimes), holding on to the words of one of my favourite business minds, Chris Guillebeau, that “life is for spending”, and reminding myself that the world is open.

Hold me accountable, okay?

The latest edition of Unboxed is out now is #06 Still Got It: Rewriting the rules on age, power and possibility. Do like and share if it resonates.

Until next time,