#0053 Starting Where You Are (Even If It’s Nine Years Later)

Hey Loved One,

How's it all going? This time next week I'll be celebrating my 41st. The fact it always falls around the second May Bank Holiday is always a win.

My sister-wife has had to remind me multiple times about my birthday as I'm so consumed with my projects at the moment. Those who've been with me from the very early editions may remember I lost my aunt who was like my mum on my birthday two years ago so I have two lives to celebrate that day.

Every so often I allow myself a moment to think about what I would do if I could:

Maybe dinner at Papa L's - listen if you're ever in the heart of London or want to host an event for corporates, Lawrence's is top tier. Sister-wife and I had a girlie date at one of his pop-ups near Hammersmith and she talked about his asparagus for two. years. We celebrated her 40th there, I hosted a corporate event there and am gagging to take my family there. So if you're trying to seduce your loved one or make a client feel special: this is the place. Dare I say it, he's the Usher of Chefing: mind blowing performance in the kitchen (his stage - the prawns will turn you into that Homer Simpson meme) and leaves you wanting more. But like Usher says “don't leave your girl around” him. I've seen many a woman swoon because a man that can cook like that? Yeah…

See Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning at the Waterloo Imax - Now I know people think Tom Cruise is problematic (Here's looking at you Nic) but two things can be true. He is one of the greatest actors of all time. We went on a family trip to see the last edition with my shop bought treats because I'm tired of the trauma of going into my local cinema expecting to spend £12 on tickets (plural) and dropping forty quid plus when snacks got involved. All the way through the film I couldn't stop screaming “THE MAN IS SIXTY!”

The joy of a proper cinematic thrill is rare these days but with a Mission Impossible film, it’s guaranteed. I mean when was the last time you went to the cinema and watched a film that made you feel something. Me? Black Panther. Both times. Like a core memory was unlocked. And I cried a few times during Wicked. The Mission Impossible series makes my heart race like films use to, you know?

I am concerned we might get a No Time To Die, Bond ending or even worse Infinity War which left me in shock and vex I'd spent my hard earned money to get my world thrown upside down like that. It’s like someone proposing to you on your birthday. A hard no.

So I might do one. I might do none. I might do both. But one thing I have done is given myself a gift. I've relaunched my podcast Unboxed and it feels so much more like me than it ever has done. I first bought my mic in January 2016 and had made previous attempts which you can still catch on Spotify. But it felt like work: planning, recording, editing. And I was never confident I would have enough to say without a guest.

I guess it was a form of hiding but it also gave me a chance to spotlight interesting Black women. After a false start earlier this year, I finally stopped thinking about what else I'd seen on the market. How other people are doing things. The high-level production. The slick studios.

I realised my production didn’t need to match the high-glam aesthetic of the younger Black girls with the butterfly lashes, slick baby hairs, and full figured, bra strap length weaves — who look amazing, but just like each other and certainly not like me.

I could show up as me. The one who’s in her aunty bod phase or as ChatGPT described it my ‘ancestral architecture’ (Barz, anyone?). Whose 16 year old took one look at me yesterday and said “I'm seeing a lot more greys”.

I finally looked beyond my perceived limits and asked myself what do I want? How do I want to show up? What would make me happy - a question I very rarely ask myself. And I realised that I love a voice note. I love debating and conversating with others through the media which has always been the middle ground between a call and a text. So Unboxed is now just that: a series of voice notes. Some notes are 8 mins, others just over 20mins but offer different topics to the things I've discussed here. And it feels so good! I've finally connected, you know? When something flows naturally?

In each “voice note” I talk to you about the things on my mind. Voice note #02 which comes out on Thursday (*whispers* so subscribe now) shares how I'm navigating the blows of other people's negative perceptions whilst trying to hold the vision for several projects. It took a while, but I think I've found the groove where my peaces lives and stepped outside myself. Tune in to find out more. And if it or any of my work resonates with you please share it with those you know.

Until next time,