#0042 Serve the mission, not the ego

Hey Loved One,

Phew! This past week has been A WEEK! Lots of positives, and a couple of lows, have been swirling around. I've been grinning hard about Zendaya and Tom Holland's engagement like they're my niece and nephew (wholesome love seems so rare now right?!) and by the time you read this, I'll be 30 minutes deep into studying at The School of Oriental and African Studies (SOAS), a dream come true. I'll share more next week.

It was also a week of challenging business conversations and learnings. I took a call from a former client who wanted me to do some work for them. They're a busy senior leader and only had 15 minutes to brief me. We started the call and after their initial outline of the project, they moved onto their budget and asked what my day rate was. I told them to which they responded “Forget that. We're doing a flat free of X plus VAT.’ They then went on to tell me how they're helping me build my credibility in a new sector.

The conversation was such a whirlwind that I barely spoke and before I knew it, it was over. I sat back in my chair, incredulous. Who was I? I'd let my respect for this person railroad me into a piece of work without enough information, a rate that was £150 lower than my actual fee and accepted the promise of visibility in sector that I am not and never have been interested in. Was I surprised by their approach? No, not really. But I was mad at myself for allowing myself to be run over.

Was it lack of confidence? No. I know myself well and if I know anything is that I’m good at what I do. But my awe and respect for the other person's influence and achievements had paralysed me. They're a proven business leader and one that publicly advocates for Black women so surely they had my best interests at heart right? In that moment, it was a hard no.

Though I'd seen it coming, I felt like I betrayed myself for someone who eats, sleeps and, frankly, s***s the same way we all do. I'd prioritised not disappointing them, conscious of how their word could impact my business. I realised though that allowing their behaviour to continue could infinitely hurt my business more.

So as I sent the contract across, I took the opportunity to reset the balance. I explained how I expect to be treated should they wish for us to work together. That respect and collaboration is key, and future negotiations around my fee were not going to be unilateral. That it's their business mission - serving Black businesses - that aligned with me not whatever it was they thought I should be interested in and they should consider that should they choose to engage me long term. I finished by telling them that by signing my contract they were agreeing to those terms. If they didn't, that was OK and I would down tools.

As I pressed send, I'd regained my own favour. A friend had advised me that I should have addressed it straight away, in the moment. In an ideal world, I would have, but I'm a processor. I needed to be sure that I wasn't misreading the situation and reflect on what had influenced my own actions.

The main point is that the time limit for advocating for yourself and setting a boundary never runs out. It also taught me that in any given situation I serve the mission - boosting us - and not the egos attached to them, even if at times it's my own.

It can be easy to give misplaced reverence to others, overlooking or diminishing our own position. Remember, you're in the rooms and at the tables because you should be. Noone is better than you and you aren't better than anybody else. Respect and equality are the least you deserve. And never be scared to remove yourself from a situation. Have you been in a similar position? How did you handle it? Drop me a line.

Until next week, loved one