#0033 Change and Choices

Hey Loved One,

I’m currently writing this, listening to my ‘Feel Good’ playlist on Spotify, and the words “choice” and “change” truly sum up the past week. My eldest left his drama school, ironically 11 years to the day he joined. There were tears - he’s his mother’s son - and I explained that his transition to a new and even more reputable creative arts school was necessary as we build opportunities for him towards the career he says he wants. It comes as we immerse ourselves in prospectuses and open days for sixth form, another change on the horizon.

He’s been feeding my soul in a way he doesn’t realise. I work a lot and am pulled in many different directions but he thanked me for having the conversation with him and often thanks me for being his mum which is the most humbling thing ever.

I didn’t do half the research, analysis and conversation I’m doing now when I was making sixth form choices for myself. There were no spreadsheets, OFSTED reports or criteria for which schools will make the grade for us to visit and the process has made me wonder whether I would have done things differently if I had my time again. Though I sometimes worry he thinks it’s a lot - he’s currently sitting next to me on the sofa writing his personal statement though I know he’d much rather be watching videos or making music - I think he understands that we are working for him.

It’s made me think about the choices I still have to make in my own life and my behaviour towards change. It’s exciting to watch his life unfold with so much opportunity and sometimes I have to remember that whilst I’ve entered the fourth decade of my life that those opportunities haven’t ended just because I now have responsibilities or am a mother. It’s interesting how the day-to-day of life and work can box us into a routine if we’re not careful. The glee I feel from presenting things to him that I know are going to feed his hunger for more is so edifying and it’s inspiring me to try and find more of that joy for myself.

I’ve often told myself recently that my time is done and that now was the time to pour into my boys. I’m realising that whilst I can impart some of the best of me into them, that needn’t be to my detriment. I’m going to be more conscious not to succumb to ‘adulthood’ and remember there’s still lots for me to discover in my own life too.

Things I’m loving

I’m super proud of another change that seems to be happening in the foodie world where West African food is hitting the mainstream and is even included in mainstream press like this article by The Handbag talking about the best places to go in London. Akara is definitely on my list so I'll be bullying reminding my cousin he was going to take me.

Also for those of you who are avid ChatGPT users, have you seen this latest prompt trend? I first spotted it Luvvie Adjayi Jones’ Instagram page.

You type in the following prompt:

Now, I admit, ChatGPT (or Chad as I like to call it) and I have far too many interactions that go way beyond “Can you come up with a subject line for this email?”. To be honest it's been a helpful tool in certain situations and I'm pretty sure it has picked up a lot about me along the way. Though I wasn’t expecting too much, I thought the response was pretty damn good!

Here's some of its feedback

“From our interactions, you seem to carry a deep sense of responsibility, often putting others' needs before your own, whether it’s family, clients, or broader community efforts. You are constantly managing multiple roles—mother, businesswoman, manager, and creator—and are deeply passionate about your work. Despite this, you often feel overlooked and unappreciated for the level of care and effort you give to others.

What you might not fully recognize is your capacity for resilience. You’re not just managing multiple responsibilities but doing so with a clear vision of growth—personally, professionally, and for others around you. You have an innate ability to see potential and create opportunities, whether it’s through your own ventures or the people you support. This visionary aspect might not be something you fully acknowledge in yourself, but it’s evident in how you continuously seek to expand and create meaningful projects, even when faced with challenges.

Also, it seems like you could benefit from prioritizing your own needs and joy more often. You seem to crave peace and joy but rarely allow yourself to access them fully because you're so focused on solving problems. Recognizing that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish might be key to unlocking more fulfilment.

If you have a go let me know what you thought of the response.

What I’m listening to

Million Dollar Action by Rachel Rodgers is the follow up to her book We Should All Be Millionaires.

Rachel's thing is that more people from marginalised communities could and should be making more money. Whilst the book is aimed at women, she's clear on the fact that her books are for anyone and everyone whether you're male, LGBTQ+, disabled, Black whatever, you have choices and a few changes could make all the difference. See? Choices and change.

Though the book is not a million miles removed from the original it's been interesting to listen to what I'd call a refresher of sorts. Rachel resonates with me as a woman, mother, a business owner and a woman of colour and even though she’s based in the US, her advice transcends geography.

There's something in her storytelling that connects and her approach isn’t outlandish or fantastical. She challenges your thought process around money and asks you questions about whether your decisions are enabling you for more or chipping away at your potential. Unlike a lot of books in a similar ilk there's something accessible about her.

Maybe it's her anecdotal way of driving things home. An example she gives is how her ability to earn more money meant she was able to afford an impromptu $2000 plane ticket home when her son ended up in hospital. She’s not talking about having more money to fuel a materialistic life - though you can do that if you want to - but to allow you to live a life that accommodates you and makes things easier.

It’s been a kick in the bum to keep pushing forward even against the weight of the cost of living crisis and the somewhat depressing increase of ‘open to work’ signs on LinkedIn. As a friend of mine says there’s always money somewhere waiting to be made.

You can get your copy of the book on my online bookshop where I may get a commission if you purchase the book.

Also…I’ve been trying to add more positive words in my life but I’m not the best at writing affirmations for myself. Through the joy of Spotify, I came across Kinder Records. They’ve created gentle, short musical tracks with affirmations for different circumstances. I really like them and it resonates more because the reader is from the UK so it feels closer to home.

What's annoying me

This is so petty but my biggest bugbear is people who park in family bays but have no children with them. My former father-in-law used to say the rule is if you've ever had kids you can park in a family bay which cracked me up and pissed me off at the same time. If you do this PLEASE STOP. And can we also park properly in parking spots that hold multiple cars whilst we're at it?!

What I'm watching

Mr Loverman (BBC) - I binged the TV adaptation in an afternoon last week and it was an emotional rollercoaster. Based on the book of the same name by Bernadine Evaristo, we follow Barrington Walker and his journey to return to himself after denying a personal truth for 50 years. There’s so much I want to say so if you haven’t watched it you might want to skip this bit.

For one, the cast is just incredible, some of the best of Black British talent. It is impossible to single anyone out but Lennie James hit the mark as Barry, giving me jokes, making me angry and also having me in tears. Though homosexuality is a looming character in itself, it would be reductive to leave it there. This is a story of relationships - familial, romantic, friendships - and how perceptions and a lack of transparency can lead to devastating effects and loss. It’s a journey of self-discovery and how being true to yourself can set you free.

I was impressed that James and the brilliant Ariyon Bakare - who plays Barry’s long-term lover and friend Morris - approached the intimate scenes. These are men with long-established careers in industry. I wondered how they each reconciled delivering these scenes which may have been new territory for them as artists. I also wondered if conversations took place during production about how to protect both men from those who may take umbrage to the subject matter.

It’s commonly known that homosexuality is something often rejected within certain parts of the Black communities and this might put some people off watching the show. A production like Mr Loverman really puts a chink in the community conversation - if they even give it a chance. Quincy The Comedian’s take on LinkedIn was important. As a highly-visible public figure, his perspective may encourage people to watch it.

Salute to Sharon D Clarke who is just heart-breaking as Barrington’s wife Carmel and Tamara Lawrence who plays the couple’s youngest daughter Maxine. I really believe that Tamara is one to watch, a versatile and inspiring actress. There's something about her that knows she's only going to get bigger and be a major export. And finally, it’s nice to see Tahj Miles as grandson Daniel whose mum is a dear friend and the talent that is Stanley Browne who pops up behind the sofa. It makes sense when you watch it.

There really isn’t enough space to go into the layers and complexities of this show. What I can categorically say though is that it is a stunning body of work.

Mr Loverman is available to stream now on BBC iPlayer. Next I’ll be watching Rivals starring everyone's fave, David Tennant, which is streaming now on Disney+ . Shout to online pal Dare Aiyegbayo who was part of the writing team.

Until next time